South Lanarkshire Leisure and Culture

 

Written and directed by Paul Moore.

From here to maternity…

And for every pregnant mother climbing that hill to Rottenrow, it took an eternity!

It’s a cold night in May 2001…Big Andy and his sidekick in security, Slim Si are watching over the decrepit wards of the iconic Rottenrow Maternity Hospital, the night before it feels the pain of the wrecking ball and is razed to the ground, with no epidural to numb the pain. The end of an epidural era! On their midnight “tour of duty”, our two hapless Security Guards wander through the wards and stumble upon an old box…containing patient files, cod liver oil and a lot of vodka…

And as the vodka kicks in…he reminisces with Slim Si about how him and his siblings were all birthed in the Rooms of Rottenrow…and thousands of others. The Birth of a Nation!  

Before long, it’s drams and prams, pains and weans, distractions and contractions….as The Wummin on The Wards emerge to give birth to their stories (and their weans) in full thrust Glasgow style. Literally all the belly aching hilarity…and a few hysterectomies too. A show that will have you in stitches!!

From the writer of the smash hit musical comedies “The Provy Wummin” and “Meet Me at Boots Corner” – with the pulsating patter of big toe tapping musical numbers-from Bassey to The Beatles and Boney M…and so many more!!

Not to be missed. Grab a seat and pay a visit with your Lucozade and grapes and reminisce about “Rottenrow”

Age restriction 16+

Adult humour and subject to strong language

Available to book online or by calling Rutherglen Town Hall on 0141 613 5700.

Cost: £24.00 / group 10+ 10% discount (subject to £1.50 transaction fee)

 

Why not come along to Lanark Memorial Hall’s Halloween Baby Disco and show us your best ‘Monster Mash’ or throw your best ‘Thriller’ moves? Dress up in your best costume to be in with the chance to win a spooktacular prize!

Join our live DJ for a fun-filled spooky hour that promises lots of fun for little ones from birth to 5 years of age. 

Available to book online or by calling Lanark Memorial Hall on 01555 673199.

Cost: £3.00 per person, child must be accompanies by parent / guardian (subject to £1.50 transaction fee)

 

‘The Scottish Comedians’ is packed with amazing Scottish comedy talent.

After hugely successful previous tours, the 2026 show promises another outstanding line up of headline comedians.

The 2026 show showcases an unbelievable line up of talent for you, and we would go as far as saying this is probably the best comedy show you will see - with an amazing variety of comedians, all worthy of their own show.

‘The Scottish Comedians’ line up is as follows - Susie McCabe, Ray Bradshaw, Des McLean, Gareth Mutch and your host Bruce Devlin. Five brilliant comedians in one night!

This is a one off special show bringing the best in Scottish comedy to Lanark.

This is guaranteed to be one of the funniest nights out you will have in 2026.

Age Guidance: 16+ Please note the performance may contain strong language and adult themes.

Available to book online or by calling Lanark Memorial Hall on 01555 673199.

Cost: £24.00 (subject to £1.50 transaction fee)

 

An extra-terrestrial alien, capable of replicating any living form it touches, infiltrates an isolated research base in the Antarctic, and sows suspicion and terror among the men trapped there.

Directed by John Carpentor

Runtime:  109 minutes

Rating: 18

Available to book online or by calling East Kilbride Arts Centre on 01355 261000.

Cost: £6.00 (subject to £1.50 transaction fee)

 

Seasoned, hard-drinking musician Norman Maine discovers and falls in love with struggling young singer Esther Blodgett. Norman is only too happy to coax Esther into the spotlight but as her career skyrockets, his own fame fades and his personal battles with substance abuse worsen, severely straining their passionate romance.

Available to book online or by calling East Kilbride Arts Centre on 01355 261000.

Cost: £17.00 (+£1.50 transaction fee)